My daughter is having her last swim in the pool with her daddy at our apartment in JLP. The misplaced anger turned aggression because of change felt by an eight year old is astounding and and yet understandable. My own emotions and confusion are difficult to regulate, so how can I expect her to? I can't. It hurts. It hurts me and her. I know she does not mean it when she says "I hate you". What she means is, I hate this internal confusion and I do not know how to channel my fear and excitement. A few minutes later her empty stripped down bedroom is set up like a reading nook with the bare mattress and pillowcase-less pillows on the dirty floor. A selection of leftover books that would not fit in the luggage await to be read. She has calmed down.
It is intangible this getting ready to " flip" the switch from heat to cool, sun to drizzle, light to shadow, French to English, but practice makes perfect! So as the song says, "I'm leaving on a jet plane, I don't know when I'll be back again. so kiss me and smile for me, tell me that you'll never leave." I will always have a bit of French in me, and room for something other.
"J'entends ta voix
dans tout les bruits
du monde."
Paul Eluard
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